{"id":996,"date":"2021-12-20T20:13:12","date_gmt":"2021-12-20T20:13:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ameliabooneracing.com\/blog\/?p=996"},"modified":"2021-12-20T22:29:14","modified_gmt":"2021-12-20T22:29:14","slug":"eggfreezing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.ameliabooneracing.com\/blog\/uncategorized\/eggfreezing\/","title":{"rendered":"Eggs on Ice: My Experience with Egg Freezing"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>In February of this past year, I had a moment of panic. I was 37, recently single, and facing down the realization that if I wanted kids, my window may be passing. I wrote an entire piece for <a href=\"https:\/\/www.outsideonline.com\/culture\/essays-culture\/amelia-boone-motherhood-essay\/\">Outside Magazine<\/a> on that (in)decision.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>One of the most common questions people would ask when I mentioned my indecision and grief around kids is \u201cwell why don\u2019t you just freeze your eggs?\u201d Like it\u2019s a decision about what to have for dinner tonight. If there\u2019s one thing I\u2019ve learned through this process, it\u2019s NOT that simple, it\u2019s extremely invasive, and I highly recommend going into it with full knowledge of all the potential side effects that aren\u2019t really talked about. I actively avoided some of that information because I was afraid that if I \u201cknew too much,\u201d I wouldn\u2019t go through with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Like everything I write, this is going to get long and detailed, so here are the quick and dirty facts of my experience up front for people who just want the basics:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Facility:&nbsp;<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ccrmivf.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">CCRM <\/a>(Superior, CO and Lone Tree, CO)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Age:&nbsp;<\/strong>38 (just turned 38, if that matters)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Number of Eggs Retrieved:&nbsp;<\/strong>39<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Number of Eggs Frozen (Mature):&nbsp;<\/strong>31<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Cost:&nbsp;<\/strong>Cash Price for one cycle at my facility would $11,900 + meds (which are a few thousand total). I have coverage through Apple, so my out-of-pocket ended up being $2175 ($1175 \u201cnursing coordination fee\u201d that isn\u2019t covered and a $1000 deposit I\u2019m trying to get back) and $750 for Omnitrope, which was denied by insurance because it\u2019s off-label. The rest of my meds were covered.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Stim Protocol:&nbsp;<\/strong>Menopur, Gonal-F, Omnitrope, Dexamethasone, Ganirelix, dual Lupron\/HCG trigger. I was supposed to do two weeks of birth control before injections started \u2013 I didn\u2019t do it (whoops sorry docs!). I also kept my IUD in during the entire process, which is allowed at most clinics I believe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Worst part:&nbsp;<\/strong>the days post-retrieval. It took me about two and a half weeks to feel \u201cnormalish\u201d again<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Most surprising:&nbsp;<\/strong>The 10 days of stims and injections weren\u2019t so bad. Post-retrieval was awful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Exercise:&nbsp;<\/strong>Clinics recommendation was no heart rate above 140, no running or impact during all of stims and then for 10-14 days post-retrieval (or until you get your period). I ran super short and easy until Day 5, then started running again 5 days post-retrieval. Kinda stuck to heart rate cap, kinda not.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Would I do it again?&nbsp;<\/strong>Absolutely not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Am I glad I did it?&nbsp;<\/strong>I think so. I\u2019ve got a lot of mixed feelings that I think will take me awhile to sort through.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\"><strong><u>The Why&nbsp;<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It may sound counter-intuitive to freeze my eggs since I had already found myself at peace with life either with or without biological children (or with adopted kids, stepkids, foster kids, etc). But kind of like the healthiest relationships come when you already feel like a complete person by yourself, I felt most at peace with the process if I didn\u2019t tie myself to the outcome here. If I was fortunate to have great results, fantastic. If I didn\u2019t have a good outcome, then at least I tried. I\u2019d be ok either way, and I KNEW that.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So why wait so long? Honestly, for most of my adult life I internalized externalized feedback that I would be a horrible mother: I was too selfish, I wasn\u2019t nurturing enough, I was too emotionally unstable, I would pass on my eating disorder to my children since I couldn\u2019t take care of myself. I suppose I just wrote myself off for a long time (which makes me sad in hindsight \u2013 mostly just that I believed all those things people told me). Through a lot of therapy this year, and through living my own truth, I came to realize that I am actually AM nurturing. I like to take care of others: I\u2019m happiest when I\u2019m doing that. But there are also many ways to do that \u2013 not just through biological children. But I figured the little voice had been in my head for long enough, that it was worth going through the process instead of having it take up brain space consistently nagging \u201cwhat if?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\"><strong><u>The Timing<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Timing with egg freezing is tricky for athletes as you are looking at anywhere from 2-4 weeks of no running and probably 6ish weeks of not exactly feeling the best (thanks hormones!). Knowing this, I figured I had two windows: (1) injury; (2) off-season. The problem with waiting for injury is that you need to plan this out a few months in advance (and no one plans for injury). So off-season it is. I first contacted CCRM in early September, and told them \u201cI would like to start around November 15<sup>th<\/sup>\u201d, which was right after World\u2019s Toughest Mudder and the beginning of the off-season.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To my chagrin, the doctor told me that my ovaries would need at least 6 months to recover from an ultra before we should start a cycle. I chose to ignore this advice, knowing that that was a risk I was taking. For obvious reasons, doctors want to set you up with the best chance of success, and because your body is so out-of-whack post running for 24 hours\u2026it makes sense. However, it doesn\u2019t really make sense for off-season timing as an athlete. So I chose to forge ahead on my own timeline, and it luckily worked out for me.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\"><strong><u>The Stimulation Process<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In a move that I probably wouldn\u2019t recommend, I purposefully didn\u2019t do a lot a research into the prescribed meds and the regimen because I knew that if I researched too much, I\u2019d likely back out (Dr. Google will ONLY provide you with horror stories). I knew it was about 10ish days of injecting myself with hormones in the morning and evening, but knew nothing about the drugs they gave me. I have a history of fainting and I can\u2019t look at my own blood when it\u2019s being drawn, so I was understandably concerned about being able to inject myself.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But on the advice of some great people on Instagram, I made myself an \u201cEggs on Ice\u201d playlist (that mostly consisted of early 2000s Nelly for god knows what reason) and had a little dance party mixing my meds each morning and evening. For the most part, it wasn\u2019t bad at all. I bruised myself a few times (you inject mainly subcutaneously into the stomach), and I started to run out of places that weren\u2019t sore, which did result in a mini-meltdown around day 5. After that, I started to use my outer thighs in addition to my stomach and that helped a bunch.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The first 5 or so days, I felt totally fine. The only side effect was that the Dexamethasone made me feel like I was FLYING, and insomnia was really bad, even if I took in the morning. Sleep was not my friend.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>On Day 5, you go in for your first ultrasound and bloodwork where they measure the follicles and how they are growing. You then go in every single day after for an ultrasound to keep tabs on the follicles. Those suckers get big \u2013 REAL big. Day 5 mine were measuring 8-12mm per follicle. By Day 10 (which was trigger day), they measured 18-22mm per follicle. Doesn\u2019t sound that big, but when you have 30+ of them\u2026it\u2019s not\u2026comfortable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Every day they call you with any changes in dosing to your meds (it\u2019s pretty much FSH, LH, HGH, and then they add an agonist, Ganirelix\/Centrotide later on to prevent you from going into ovulation so the follicles can get REALLY FUCKING BIG\u2026did I mention science is so rad?)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>On Day 10, they called me and told me it was time to \u201ctrigger,\u201d which is an intramuscular shot you do exactly 36 hours before your retrieval. It\u2019s timed to the minute so you ovulate at the exact time of retrieval and they can suck out all those eggs (again, isn\u2019t science rad?)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I did a dual trigger \u2013 HCG and Lupron. My retrieval time was 1:45pm, so I had to do the HCG injection at 1:45am, and then the Lupron at 2:45am. I was terrified of the intramuscular injection \u2013 it seems like 99% of patients have their partner do the IM injection because you have to stick a 1.5inch needle straight into your ass.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I don\u2019t have a partner (HENCE THE EGG FREEZING CAPTAIN OBVIOUS), and while my friends love me, I wasn\u2019t going to ask someone to come over at 1:45am to shoot me in the ass. So I cranked up Nelly\u2019s \u201cShake Your Tailfeather,\u201d iced my butt for a good 20 minutes at 1am in the morning, and went for it. Honestly, once I worked up the nerve to stick the thing in my butt, I didn\u2019t feel a thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\"><strong><u>Retrieval<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>By Day 10, my ovaries were so big they were \u201ckissing.\u201d Sounds sweet, feels awful. Retrieval was on Day 12 \u2013 standard kind of outpatient surgery. My wonderful and absolutely amazing friend Margaret Spring volunteered to drive me there and home because I\u2019d be hopped up on fentanyl, propofol, and Versed. The procedure only takes about 20 minutes, and with pre-op and post-op, I was in and out of there in less than 3 hours. I remember waking up and a nurse coming to tell me they got 39 eggs. I yelled a bit too loudly for the recovery room \u201cHOLY SHIT\u201d. They then gave me Cheez-Its and a ginger ale and Margarete baked me uterus cookies so life was great\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\"><strong><u>Post-Retrieval<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2026until it wasn\u2019t. Woof. I\u2019d been warned by online forums and the three friends (thanks Anne, Kat, and Emily!) who had been through egg retrieval that post-retrieval is actually worse than the 12ish days of stimulation.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>They weren\u2019t lying.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A few things that extra suck post-retrieval: (1) the cramping; (2) the fact that your estrogen levels are astronomically high (mine were at 6000 the time of retrieval) so you are at a high risk of OHSS (ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome); and (3) constipation (due to the swelling, the opiates, and the stupid amounts of exogeneous hormones). Lemme tell you &#8211; #3 is no joke. I was prepped for this though \u2013 prune juice, Miralax, Colace, Metamucil \u2013 so it actually wasn\u2019t a huge issue for me (but I have heard horror stories).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I really wanted to be one of those people who pranced through the entire egg freezing process being like \u201cgosh that wasn\u2019t so bad people are just weenies!\u201d HAHAHAHA I wasn\u2019t. I did breeze through the stims, but the post-retrieval was probably the most uncomfortable I\u2019ve ever been in my life (and you all know I\u2019ve done some stupid shit before).&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I did try and walk a little bit later in the afternoon post-retrieval. I made it about 12 minutes moving a snails pace. I felt and looked about 6 months pregnant and walking was painful. For the first few days after, walking was pretty much all I could manage. They said I could go back to the work the day after retrieval, but even with a desk job and working remotely, I had to take a sick day.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I managed to avoid OHSS by eating COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF SALT. Seriously \u2013 I drank pickle juice, chugged LMNT packets, bone broth \u2013 it sounds backwards but that\u2019s what helps draw the fluid out of you or something (not a doctor so don\u2019t hold me to that)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As the days rolled on, the more frustrated I became with how things STILL weren\u2019t going back to \u201cnormal\u201d. They were getting better, but not as quickly as I was led to believe. My boobs hurt something awful starting about about two days before retrieval. My shirts wouldn\u2019t fit over my stomach. Thank god I only wear elastic running shorts because I\u2019m sure pants wouldn\u2019t have buttoned up. Doctors will tell you your body will normalize when you get your next period, which is usually 5-14 days.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s now Day 21 post-retrieval. My boobs stopped hurting about Day 17 (phew!), and I\u2019m still a bit bloated, but for the most part feeling normal (I\u2019ve been told that ovaries can take up to 6 weeks to go back to normal size, especially if you have a successful retrieval and get a lot of eggs).&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Trade-offs of a successful egg retrieval = awful recovery<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"aligncenter size-medium\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.ameliabooneracing.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/bloating-scaled.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"225\" height=\"300\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ameliabooneracing.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/bloating-225x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-1005\" srcset=\"http:\/\/www.ameliabooneracing.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/bloating-225x300.jpg 225w, http:\/\/www.ameliabooneracing.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/bloating-768x1024.jpg 768w, http:\/\/www.ameliabooneracing.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/bloating-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, http:\/\/www.ameliabooneracing.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/bloating-1536x2048.jpg 1536w, http:\/\/www.ameliabooneracing.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/bloating-scaled.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 225px) 100vw, 225px\" \/><\/a><figcaption>the bloat is real<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\"><strong><u>Things No One Prepares You For<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here\u2019s the thing that threw me for a loop: I was expecting to be extremely emotional due to all the exogeneous hormones. For the most part during stims, I felt pretty even keel. What shocked me was the weird depressive and \u201cnumb\u201d feeling I got in the days post-retrieval. I\u2019m not sure if it\u2019s due to the massive amounts of hormones slowly leaving your body, but I just lost interest in\u2026everything. I didn\u2019t want to see people, I didn\u2019t want to do anything. I wasn\u2019t crying, I wasn\u2019t sad. I was just\u2026numb. And given how normally full of emotions I am, it was a bit concerning.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So prepare yourself for that possibility. No one really did for me, but it does make logical sense when you think of what you just put your body through.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\"><strong><u>Considerations for Athletes<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For the most part, doctors recommend no exercise where your heartrate gets above 140 during stims and for two weeks after. No twisting\/no impact because of the risk of ovarian torsion. So for runners, that means anywhere from 3-5 weeks off of running. You will most likely have to do two weeks of birth control before injections start, so factor that into your training as well.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I ran short and slow up until the 5<sup>th<\/sup>&nbsp;day of stims, and then switched to biking, stepmill, elliptical, and incline treadmill hiking. Around day 8 of stims, my ovaries got painful enough that outdoor biking started to be a no-go (any type of uneven pavement or pothole sent a shockwave through my body\u2026so no mountain biking or gravel biking either).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Honestly, even if I was told I could run throughout the entire process, I wouldn\u2019t have wanted to. It was just\u2026uncomfortable. I stuck to a spin bike and walking right around retrieval, and was able to get on a bike outside 3 days post-retrieval. I did a short, slow run Day 5 post-retrieval and I will fully admit it was probably too soon. I felt \u201cok\u201d during it, but my ovaries killed me for the next day. Day 7 I started easing back into running with zero issues after that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>One thing I did notice was that my heart rate was abnormal high during stims and for about two weeks post-retrieval. I have no idea if that was related to the hormones, the swelling, or the insomnia, but it\u2019s something to consider for athletes.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m three weeks post-retrieval and still feel a bit \u201cheavy and slow.\u201d So I\u2019d strongly encourage to time the process with an off-season and not anywhere near a big training block.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\"><strong><u>Consideration for people in Recovery from Eating Disorders<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In 2017, when I almost went through with freezing my eggs the first time, the thing that stopped me was the fear of what would happened to my body. I was DEEP into my eating disorder at the time (I went back into treatment at 2019), and couldn\u2019t wrap my brain around the \u201cweight I would gain\u201d during egg freezing. And I was terrified of it this time around, but I knew had I more tools to deal with it. This time, I was mostly scared that my changing body would trigger a lot of eating disorder thoughts and want to throw me back into eating disorder behaviors.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Surprisingly, during the stims, this didn\u2019t happen at all. I had bad GI issues for most of stims (indigestion, heartburn, gas), so I was more focused on actually getting enough food in. I noticed my belly getting bloated and my face getting puffy, but it (hooray!) didn\u2019t bother me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Where it DID bother me, though, was post-retrieval. I have no idea if it was related to the hormones, but my body dysmorphia got bad. REALLY bad. I battled extremely strong restriction urges, which only got worse the longer my body stayed \u201cinflated\u201d (I like that term because I literally felt like a balloon that needed to be popped). Days 7-17ish post-retrieval I was legitimately white knuckling it trying to not give into behaviors. I didn\u2019t, but only thanks to lots of therapy and lots of \u201couting\u201d myself with these thoughts to friends.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>While I\u2019m still struggling a bit with this stuff, for the most part, it\u2019s getting better. I guess I expected them DURING the stims, not after, so I do want to flag that for anyone with an eating disorder history.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Unrelated to eating disorder thoughts but related to eating disorders: I was told for many, MANY years that 20 years of starvation probably affected my fertility to the point where I wouldn\u2019t be able to have children. I think that\u2019s a common thing that\u2019s told to eating disorder patients. I could just be incredibly lucky, but that wasn\u2019t my case. My doctor\u2019s jaw literally dropped when he told me the number of mature eggs we got. I fully recognize that those eggs could all be duds (which I wouldn\u2019t know unless and until I try and make embryos), but don\u2019t give up hope and don\u2019t write yourself off just because of your disordered past.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\"><strong><u>How I Feel About it Now&nbsp;<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Honestly, I don\u2019t know. During the stimulation process, I remember feeling extremely empowered being able to take control of my own fertility. I think the trainwreck of a post-retrieval recovery period tainted my feelings on it and made question whether it was \u201cworth it\u201d given my body\u2019s extreme rebellion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Further, the more I learned about the process, and the more I talked to other women going through IVF, the more I saw what an absolute expensive crapshoot it is. There are women who want babies so badly and go through rounds and rounds of egg retrieval and embryo transfers and spend close to $100k getting there hopes up, only seeing one failure after another. I can\u2019t imagine that emotional rollercoaster.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I carry some guilt that my retrieval was so successful and I\u2019m still undecided on children. That I didn\u2019t take all of the doctors\u2019 advice (I didn\u2019t give up caffeine, for example), and it didn\u2019t seem to affect my results.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But I also now know, though, that the biggest problem with egg freezing is that it gives women a false sense of security. When you do IVF and fertilize the eggs immediately, you know right away if your eggs are \u201cduds.\u201d I have 31 frozen, mature eggs, but if and when I ever go to fertilize those eggs to make embryos, there\u2019s a very large possibility, especially given my age, that a lot of those eggs could be abnormal, resulting in very few embryos. And THEN, most women experience at least one failed embryo transfer. So even if you have normal embryos, there\u2019s no guarantee the transfer takes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>While it is absolutely incredible that science now gives us this possibility, it is a process that is fraught with emotional peril, not to mention the physical toll on the woman\u2019s body. Honestly, I don\u2019t know if I want that for myself, though I\u2019m open to my feelings changing.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>What I do know is that I have a lot of love to give in the world, and that the rest of my life is going to be amazing, whether that involves my own biological children, adopted children, foster children, stepchildren, or no children at all. That is the one thing I\u2019m sure of.&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In February of this past year, I had a moment of panic. I was 37, recently single, and facing down the realization that if I wanted kids, my window may be passing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1004,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-996","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Eggs on Ice: My Experience with Egg Freezing - Race Ipsa Loquitur<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"On egg freezing and fertility as an athlete, a runner and in recovery from an eating disorder. 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