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And I remember the exact moment where I went \u201coh shit. World\u2019s Toughest Mudder\u201d … the event that started it all for me,<\/a> the one event unlike any other<\/a>, was a month post-surgery. This entire season, I\u2019d always had it in my sights: because I had to miss it last year, and because of my history with it, it had always (quietly) been my \u201cA\u201d race this year. And I was going into it with the lofty goal of being the first woman to break the 100-mile mark at the race.<\/p>\n Sitting there in the urgent care room in Truckee, I called my friend Caroline<\/a> and sobbed “I can’t miss this race two years in a row…I CAN’T.”<\/p>\n Her very astute and simple response: “Why can’t you?”<\/p>\n “Because I’ve never missed it two years in a row. Because I sat on the sidelines last year vowing that I would avenge and hit 100 miles next year. Because the last time I missed the race I came back and won it the next two years and it was this triumphant comeback and that’s what I wanted to do again.” And then I cried some more.<\/p>\n “Amelia, I love you,” she said, “but you HAVE to stop living in the past.”<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Perhaps a bit harsh, you might think, but it was exactly what I needed to hear (what are best friends for, right?). Because in that simple question, she nailed it. I sat there wondering why I was having such a hard time with the loss of WTM this year, when you would have thought I would have become a pro at learning to deal with sitting on the sidelines by now.<\/p>\n This one stung because I had already written the script in my head: in 2013, I sat out WTM because of injury. And in 2014, I came back to win. So I necessarily thought “ok, Amelia, you sat out in 2016 due to injury, so in 2017, you will triumphantly return like you did previously.”\u00a0Despite promising myself I wouldn’t do it<\/a>, I was attempting to recreate the past. I was trying to live up to past versions of myself, of repeating past accomplishments. \u00a0Somewhere, I created a story that 2017 should be my year to avenge sitting out 2016, and suddenly I felt like a failure because I couldn’t repeat that script that I had so carefully crafted for myself.<\/p>\n But it’s just that – a script. A story. A construct I’ve created in my head that THIS is how my story should look, and THIS is how life should play out.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Newsflash: apparently I don’t control the universe.<\/p>\n So, once again, I’m giving myself permission to write a new story, to rewrite the script in my head. Just because I’ve never sat out WTM for more than one year in a row doesn’t mean I can’t. Just because I swore up and down last year that I’d be back for WTM 2017 doesn’t mean I’m a failure if I’m not. Frankly, holding onto past expectations only serves to blind us from opportunities that may open up elsewhere.<\/p>\n Dealing with injury and setbacks <\/a>is a natural part of being an athlete, and sure, I\u2019ve had my licks. What\u2019s morphed over these past two years is how I choose to view it. As much as I mourn this loss, I\u2019m also relishing the alternate path that\u2019s opened up as a result. Yes, I can\u2019t compete in obstacle races right now. Fortunately (KNOCK ON WOOD NO JINX), my legs still work. Ever since I went down with the case of the femurs, I\u2019ve made it quite clear that there\u2019s an itch I have to scratch \u2013 the glorious, beautiful, ultra running itch, and the many gnarly races that go along with that (cough, maybe a go at re-qualifying for Western States<\/a>?). So while I may be giving up one goal (i.e., 100 miles at WTM), it\u2019s making room for a different one. While it may feel like a loss, I\u2019m choosing to frame it as a shift.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n And the thrill of new challenges is where I thrive. It\u2019s what brought me into obstacle racing, it\u2019s what lead me to sign up for the first World\u2019s Toughest Mudder in 2011, it\u2019s what kept me awake and kicking in the woods for 3+ days during multiple Death Races<\/a>. That thrill has led me down this crazy path I\u2019ve come to call life these past 7 years. I faced down in the unknown in the obstacle racing world, and I\u2019ve done pretty well. \u00a0Maybe it\u2019s time to go explore something at which I could fail miserably: as much as that scares me, it\u2019s also what intrigues me.<\/p>\n As humans, I think it\u2019s natural to look for signs in life to gain a sense of direction when lost. Perhaps the shattered pinky was the involuntary nudge I needed to shift goals for a bit \u2013 to have the courage to explore something new. For as much as I\u2019ve preached the value of being able to pivot in life, it\u2019s time I apply to that to my own for a bit.<\/p>\n Transition periods are a scary, nebulous time, because they are inevitably tied to a feeling of loss. We believe that if we are moving away from something, we are giving it up. We see letting go as a sign of failure. In reality, we should see transition as a sign of opportunity, and a mechanism of growth<\/strong>. By holding on to something when it\u2019s not serving us, we remain stagnant. And by letting one thing go (even if temporarily), we are making room for something else. We are embracing the unknown, and growing as a result for opening ourselves to those possibilities.<\/p>\n Obstacle racing will always be there, and I\u2019m not going anywhere (sorry folks, can\u2019t get rid of me!). WTM may have to wait, but my love for it still burns brightly. \u00a0As Randy Pausch<\/a> said, ” It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand.” \u00a0I’d take it a step further and say it’s also about how you REACT to that hand. So I\u2019m taking these cards and pirouetting like a motherf*cker.<\/p>\n See you on the trails.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Someone once asked me what I thought was the one marker of a successful person: I answered with \u201cthe ability to pivot.\u201d To adapt on the fly, to cast aside things that aren\u2019t working if need be, and to reinvent yourself. The last thing I expected as a result of the Spartan Race World Championship … Continue reading Rewriting the Script<\/span> <\/a><\/a>